Right now, I’m going through my blog drafts pile – finishing the ones that I want to publish and trashing the ones that need to be cleaned up. This was one that I felt needed to be saved even though all that I had written was three sentences.
Last year at this time I was waking up for the last time as a single person. Before we were married I wondered if I’d ever look back and miss the single life, even just a little bit. I have to say, so far no looking back.
In some ways, I feel like my life restarted after our wedding. As if there is a B.C. or A.D. in my life.
– Written on August 3, 2013
Now, here I am, six years later. Our wedding and my single days feel like a long time ago in the day to day of mothering littles. I remember waiting to walk down the aisle, while everyone else was already in and it was just me and Dad together. He turned to me and said, “You used to fit in the palm of my hand.” And it was the first moment that I was able to step out of my self-centeredness and get a glimpse of what it must feel like to be a parent. For a moment, I understood.
My last sentence written in 2013 is still true. Marriage started a new life for us. Something with elements of our previous single existences, but something entirely new and in fact, we now have two entire new humans to prove it.
But I have to admit that there are now times that I have looked back. (Don’t turn me into a pillar of salt!) Not often, and not to my unmarried days. With the upheaval of our recent move, I have felt how different things need to be now that we have kids. When we moved to Kentucky for Andy’s school, I had the ability to get settled in the way that I wanted because even though he was busy, my schedule was my own. I have no regrets about the decisions that we’ve made and I feel incredibly blessed for the gift of our children, but the depth of the sacrifice required for this life we want is now real, not imaginary.
That being said, I remember leaving our wedding and thinking, “This was the perfect day.” (I later worried that I had messed up all kinds of little details. An exercise in futility for sure.) We drove to our honeymoon listening to Taylor Swift and the Love Theme from Star Wars (Andy’s choice, of course). When we got home to our apartment in Wake Forest for the first time, it felt so surreal and we were giddy at the thought of actually being able to go to sleep in the same bed and having a home that was ours.
Since that day, we’ve worked hard to lay a firm foundation to build our new life upon. I will always be thankful for the many people who sacrificed and helped us have a wonderful day as we began that journey. I’m even more thankful that many of them continue to stand beside us today. ❤