Sooooo… I was thinking about what I want to do with my life… and trying to resolve the tension I feel in that regard and I realized a few things.
After doing some reflecting, I realized that as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to help and teach others as my job. But somehow I go through phases where I remember and then forget this fact. I don’t know how I forget what my passions and what I want to do, but I really and truly have at several points in my life. How does that happen, you say? I’m trying to figure that out too. Here’s the story as far as I can figure it…
In elementary school, I signed up to be a peer counselor and thought the guidance counselor was the coolest person in the school. I just thought that it was awesome how she got to help kids with their conflicts and problems. Second best to the guidance counselor in my mind were my teachers, especially the teachers that I happened to know from school and church. They were extra awesome in my ordering of the world.
But then I hit the wonderfully confusing place that is middle school. In middle school, I found a love for art, animation and crafts. At the same time, school started to get harder and include more work (as it should). While I continued to have some great teachers, I also had some not-so-great teachers. And socially, middle school was so so awkward and awful. As a result, I think I’ve repressed most of my middle school memories… maybe that’s where I forgot the first time? In high school, my love for school was somewhat rekindled by my experience at governor’s school, but I also continued to explore art, and was introduced to robotics and programming.
I can vaguely remember instances during middle and high school, after going through some spiritual growth spurts (although I would not have called them that at the time), where all I wanted to do when I grew up was to help kids going through those things. I felt intensely that I had a message to share, but I was conflicted. I thought that for me to want to be up in front of people would be prideful, and I also knew that pursuing a non-ministry career is a totally legitimate Christian thing to do. At the time, I thought my dream job would in graphic design or animation. But then I felt called to go to The College of William and Mary, which doesn’t have either of those majors.
When I got to college I started majoring in Math, because it was the only thing I could think of to do. Along the way, I discovered Computer Science and remembered my love for animation and design. In the summers during college, I worked a sweet internship but I wasn’t content. I couldn’t find anything bad to say about the experience, but I knew the job wasn’t for me. As I was getting ready to graduate from college, I made a last-minute decision to turn down a sweet full-time job to pursue ministry by studying at Southeastern.
So, here I find myself. Two-thirds of the way done with my M.Div, preparing to move to Pikeville, embarking once again on the job-search and wondering “What do I want to do with my life again?” And once again realizing that what I want to do with my life is serve others, but I don’t specifically know what that’s going to look like and that’s ok. God is faithful, even if he doesn’t give answers as fast as I have come to want them in this internet age.
Read part I of the story here.