I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching lately.
I think it has all been brought on by our impending move. When we move, I will switch to online classes and (hopefully) start a new job. Right now, I work a part-time job on the campus where I go to school in addition to taking classes, since Andy is also able to work this year. The job search process, the moving, the starting over has led my thoughts back to the question, “What exactly do I want to do with my life again?”
When I was at this crossroads during my senior year of college, I felt a very clear call from God to go to seminary. It is something that I’ve held on to during the times that I question why I am here at Southeastern. But, I still don’t feel or know a specific post-seminary call. I’ve done a lot of different ministry type things trying to discern what God has for me, and I’ve enjoyed all of them, but discerned nothing by the way of future plans. I guess I just don’t want to be at the end of my degree (hopefully sooner rather than later – Dec 2014 for the win), “So that was fun, but what I am going to do with it again?”
Granted, there are some non-negotiables. I know I am called to a life of holiness and faithfulness to God. I know I am called to be a faithful wife and (hopefully one day) mother. There are many clear callings for Christians in Scripture, no matter what you’re paid (or not paid) to do. Nevertheless, there have been many points in my life where I have felt that ministry should be my full-time vocation, my life’s work. But how? where? when? I keep asking. God, my life doesn’t seem right if it doesn’t revolve around serving you, but the temptation to chase a worldly career is so so strong. And being in a non-ministry career isn’t wrong. I know God can see it all and knows it all, and I just need to be faithful right here, right now in the many many things God has put before me, but I just want to rush things.
It is at this point that I should admit that I am waaay off track from what I originally intended to write about. This post has sort of taken on a life of its own and it looks like addressing my original topic, “What do I want to do with my life?” should probably be a post of its own.
I guess for now, I’ll just give it time and dream and pray and try to be faithful.Much Love,
Read part II of this story here.